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Below, our in-house sexpert answers a question received from a reader: “There’s really only one sex position I find physically comfortable. How can I still spice up our sex life?” 

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Sex should never be painful. You said “comfortable” which could mean a lot of different things so I’m not sure how to answer specifically, but I’ll do my best. The first thing you should do is talk to your doctor, ASAP.

If talking to them makes you uncomfortable, please know that medical providers have seen some weird things, and this question is not one of them. You have to be an advocate for your health. A physical exam may provide some insight into why most positions are uncomfortable for you. It will also help rule out issues like vaginitis, pelvic inflammatory disease, and endometriosis.

I had a client who had severe endometriosis (she didn’t know it at the time) and sex for her was awful. If you have a tilted/tipped uterus, rear-entry positions can be uncomfortable because the penis is closer to the uterus. Women with this type of uterus find missionary and female on top, forward facing the most comfortable. Raising your hips can also increase comfort, as well as positions that only allow shallow penetration (like with your knees and legs together).

There are also lots of other ways to experience pleasure with your partner. Intercourse tends to be goal-oriented, so try to think of it as pleasure-oriented, with orgasms being a benefit and not the end game. Erotic massage, tantric sex, and the old-fashioned oral are ways to bring excitement and a better understanding of what brings pleasure to you and your partner’s body. Communication is key!

Courtney Boyer is a mental health counselor and sexuality educator living in the Sandhills. Have a question of your own? Submit it anonymously here.

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