A murder is lingering in the parking lot of Carolinas Golf Association — that is, a “murder” of crows, the name for a group of the large black birds. The black-feathered menaces have been hanging around (terrorizing) the CGA parking lot for over a year. The birds’ antics have caused significant damage to multiple work vans, as well as personal vehicles, from fly-by pooping and casual pecking to outright attacks on pieces of trim and weatherstripping. One employee’s sunroof suffered more than $4,000 in damages.
Chris Zeh, the company’s director of championships and tournaments, felt obligated to try and stop the rampage. Enough was enough. “I never thought I would have to deal with a murder in the pines!” joked Chris.
The office offensive began with a simple decoy owl as a deterrent. The staff named him Oscar.
Employees took turns escorting Oscar around the parking lot, placing it on top of cars and even on the office roof. It seemed to help at first, but the crows eventually became wise.
As things escalated, Chris began sending humorous email updates to the company. The situation has proven once again that there’s no bonding like trauma bonding. Employees have scattered anti-crow propaganda fliers throughout the office.
“We try to have fun. I think they got a kick out of it,” he said. “It would be kind of funny if it wasn’t so annoying and causing damage to people’s cars.” Translation: we are laughing so we don’t scream.
With more crows returning, the office then called Wild Birds Unlimited for advice. They sought wisdom. Guidance. Possibly vengeance.
An employee returned with a decoy crow, which they named Chester. “We set Chester on the ground next to Oscar to let them know ‘we mean business,’” said Chris. There were a few crows watching from the trees.
They were warned that crows hold funerals, but they didn’t know the extent of what that meant until they heard lots of commotion coming from the parking lot that same day. “It was wild. They were squawking and hooting and hollering. I mean they were loud,” said Chris.
Ideally, when a crow dies, the rest of the murder gathers around it, holding what appears to be a kind of funeral before eventually abandoning the area. In the middle of Chester’s memorial, however, a bird believed to be a red-tailed hawk swooped in, scattering the crows and abruptly disrupting the ceremony.
In his email March 31, Chris said, “In an effort to allow for proper mourning, the CGA team decided to leave Chester in place for the time being. However, it appears the hawk returned, seized Chester with its talons, and carried him off into the trees. We may never see him again, but his impact will not be forgotten.”
Employees have since installed reflective ribbon on the CGA van’s rear windshield wipers, and provided more for employees to use on their cars if needed. Since last week, Chris said, the murder appears to be dying down, but it’s too soon to say if the flock has fled the scene.
The crows should hope that’s the case. Desperate employees have discovered that, like turkeys and pheasants, crows have an official hunting season, albeit an irregular one. Crow hunting stretches from Aug. 1 through Feb. 28 — but only on Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Crows may also be hunted on Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and Independence Day, except when these days fall on a Sunday.
In his most recent email update to staff, Chris concluded with, “Thank you to everyone who contributed to this effort. With any luck, we can move forward and continue to coexist peacefully with nature and each other.”
The last thing anyone at the CGA wants to do is ruffle any feathers.
