Now that we’ve seen the Best of the Pines, we know you were all anxiously waiting to see what we came up with for the sixth annual, six-item Rest of thePines. No? Just us? Well, here it is. We hope you’re as surprised as we are.
1. Best One That Got Away
The Jefferson Inn. This string light-laden patio was one where everyone could feel like a star, even if your new fans were watching you slow dance to a messy karaoke rendition of “No Scrubs.” Ironically, The Jeff’s success attracted a big investor who promptly shut down a major corner of Southern Pines’ Bar-muda Triangle.
2. Best Place to Wear Panties in Public
Reservoir Park. Ranger panties, that is. We don’t think any other trail gets as much leg action as this place. There’s plenty of shade, but you’ll need sunglasses for quads that rarely see the light of day. Is that thunder or Fort Liberty? Nah, it’s dem thunder thighs.
3. Best Place to Get Blocked In
Broad Street. Like jury duty, this one is just a rite of passage. And if you’re one of the unlucky few that this happens to on the reg, well, maybe you should skip the Vegas trip. At least it’s a ~quaint~ spot to be.
4. Best Bathroom Selfie Spot
O’Donnell’s Pub. It may not be the most aesthetic, but it does have a large mirror — so you can fit in all the strangers besties you just met. They’ll hype you up so much you won’t even care when the drive-thru attendant sees your trucker hat and accidentally calls you “sir.”
5. Best Place to Find Singles
Kitten Around Cat Lounge. Yes, there are plenty of single cats in need of a good home. But chances are, if you are spending your afternoon petting cats alone, you might have space in your life for another type of heavy petting. We’re not speaking from experience or anything, but yes, we’d love to meet up for an ice cream right next door.
6. Best Place to Catch a Game in the Wild
Bell Tree Food Truck. The owners of The Bell Tree Tavern really did something when they installed a big screen on the side of their new food truck. Now you can get the same Reuben Egg Rolls you know and love, but sub the small screen in your hand for a side of big screen. That’s big brain time.
:: What did we miss? You know what to do.
