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You may have some doozies — but, you should really read these first.

The following are the best reader-submitted stories we’ve received … well, ever. All have been edited for length and clarity.

I had gone to a frat party the night before and got hammered, but I was not missing this lunch date. At the restaurant, I went to the bathroom and threw my guts up. I sit back down and he says, “I think you have throwup in your hair!” I was mortified. Then he tells me I drunk texted him many times the night before. When we were leaving the restaurant, I faceplant in the parking lot and end up with road rash on my face. — Cheslin A.

My husband rented an ocean front condo for the weekend, stocked it with champagne, placed roses in the condo, made reservations at a nice restaurant. Everything was perfect, except I got food poisoning from seafood linguine and ended up in the hospital for our anniversary. He had planned a perfect night, and I almost died. — Christi B.

Went on a date in high school and apparently had an undiagnosed shrimp allergy. My date insisted on popcorn shrimp as an appetizer and I ended up looking like Will Smith in the movie ‘Hitch’. — Cheryl F.

A date showed up to pick me up in a car with no passenger seat, just a bean bag sitting there instead. — Jessy A.

I once went on a first date that ended up being a double date with his brother and sister-in-law.  She proceeded to get incredibly drunk while he plotted ways to get around the ankle monitor he was wearing. — Casey C.

Went to a drive in movie with a new guy. Our battery died between the first and second movie of the double feature, and we had to sit in silence in the rain. The person who arrived to jump us was driving a converted hearse. — Carolyn J.

Picture this. You’re going out to eat in Aberdeen and that means getting onto the traffic circle. You tell the guy which exit to take and he just keeps going around and around the traffic circle, saying, “Is this fun or what?” — Carmen B.

I was out with this guy (now my husband) and my ex came and slashed all 4 of my tires on my car. — Christina C.

We talked on the phone for about a month before we met. We were both interested in pursuing a long-term relationship.  He told me I would have to get rid of my cat.  I told him goodbye. — Valerie M.

He had a red Mustang with white leather seats. We had gotten milkshakes after dinner. As he was driving I went to take a sip of my shake but the jerking of the car made the straw stab me in the nose. So I ended up getting a bloody nose on the white leather. We did not have a second date. — Danaka B.

At the theater, he buys one ticket for himself.  Luckily, I brought cash. Inside, he sits a seat away from me. The movie ends and I walk outside to wait.  He remains inside the theater entrance, looking at me through the glass door. Is he the worst stalker?  What is going on? Probably the most awkward encounter of my teenage life. — Gina C.

My date and the couple that went with us were silent, motionless, as if they were hypnotized by all the glory that was the movie “Hook.” After driving separate cars to a restaurant, my date gets out of his car and proceeds to put on a Peter Pan hat. I did not wait to see if he was joking around. I rolled down my window, said I did not feel well, and drove home. Who has a Peter Pan hat in his car? Who? Where does one purchase a Peter Pan hat in the days before Amazon? — Lora B.

A blind date and I planned to go out for ice cream mid-week, late afternoon. Ten minutes after him picking me up this beeping starts in his car. Next thing I know, he’s asking me to blow into his breathalyzer. — Jacy B.

I was meeting a man I had been chatting with online. He let me know he was running late because he had to get cleaned up. When he did show, it was in muddy tennis shoes and a T-shirt covered in dog hair that did not contain his body odor. I then found out he was still living with his ex, who had stabbed him in the past. — Jennifer B.

After a meal at a mom and pop diner, I walked ahead of him. When I looked back he was collecting all the salt and pepper shakers off the empty tables. He stuck them in his pockets. People watched in amusement as I tried to look like I wasn’t with him. — Jenny P.

We met for dinner and drinks and ended up at my apartment, where he did NOT park in a designated visitor spot. I stared out the window as his car got towed away at 3 a.m. and had to act surprised when he couldn’t find his car in the morning. I drove him to the tow lot, paid for it to be released, and headed back home. The journey was quickly interrupted by a police officer. I was pulled over and handed a ticket for speeding just as my date drove past, staring at me. Somehow this man is now my husband! — Jessica L.

My date wanted to take me mountain bike riding, something I had never done before.  We drove 90 minutes to the North Georgia mountains, spent 45 minutes readying the bikes and getting me up to speed on the basics. I fell within the first 10 minutes, and sliced open my elbow, all the way to the bone.  My date had to use his shirt to stop the bleeding, and find an emergency room. At least I knew he could handle an emergency. I ended up marrying him. — Jennifer F.

We went to a comedy club and sat front row. You can guess what happened … I went on a date with a heckler. He also got hammered during the show so by the end, the comedian was OVER my date — he even apologized to me and asked if someone else could take my date’s place. Worst night ever. — Jana W.

He came to pick me up wearing a floor length black trench coat. It was summer. Why didn’t I shut the door or pretend he had the wrong apartment? He took me to a restaurant, where I now notice that he’s wearing eyeliner. I asked him what he did. He said, and I quote, “Well it’s really hard for me to find a job because I’m a vampire and I can’t work daytime hours.” — Kasey Z.

I had a first date BOOK A HOTEL ROOM where he put rose petals everywhere. A first date. In a hotel room. Gross. — Kat P.

My date and my best friend’s date get into a physical fight to the point that the police are called to break it up. My best friend’s date ends up in the hospital from her injuries. — Bryan M.

I met the guy out at the Bell Tree. I walked in and he is standing there flirting with a couple of ladies, and tells me to wait a minute before we sit down so he could get one of their phone numbers. Once we sat down, he kept telling me how fun he is and how much he LOVES disco music. He kept pulling up disco songs on his phone and playing them … in the middle of the Bell Tree. Did I mention he kept telling me how fun he is?  — Molly S.

Worst first date? Flying in a small plane with a hangover. It didn’t end well. — Rita Pierce

We head downtown to grab some food from a restaurant I was dying to try, when we get stuck in a chicken battle over the last parking spot. IT’S HIS EX! On a date herself! Needless to say the date went downhill. She got the parking spot, we went to a different restaurant, he ordered a bottle of wine FOR HIMSELF, we never spoke again — Nicole O.

The man met me at the restaurant in a shirt that said, “I’m with Stupid” with an arrow pointing to the right.  His theory was that a plain colored T-shirt was for work.  Any shirt with “writing on it” was good for a date. — Josephine C.

I had a first date with a guy at Wine & Design nearly a year ago. He’d packed what looked like a diaper bag full of food and wine, and proceeded to wine and dine a gal on the other side of the table who was already pretty well on her way with the drinking for the night.  — Rebekah A.

I met a blind date at a restaurant, in my 20s in San Francisco. In walks a handsome man that looked normal. As dinner continued, he said he was hot and he slowly started taking of layers of clothing. The jacket, the sweater, the scarf — but then, the socks, the shoes, the shirt! When he took off his pants, I decided it was time to leave!  — Tamara F.

I had some friends try and set me up on a blind date. The joke was on me when he showed up in his Cadillac sedan and could’ve literally been my grandpa! I died, and my dead self went on the date in hopes to not offend anyone … to add insult to injury we went to some cheap steakhouse, and I don’t even eat meat. Wine became my bestie that night — Terra R.

I met a man online and after exchanging emails, we spoke on the phone several times. He seemed nice and we decided to meet. He invited me to his house for popcorn and a movie. When I arrived, he opened the door while standing behind it. He said, “My therapist told me to meet you like this and see how it goes.” He stepped out from behind the door and was dressed in full drag. — Nonie M.

My date spent an inordinate amount of time trying to impress me. He ordered lobster. When the finger bowl came, he proceeded to open the hand towel and place it on his lap. He then picked up a spoon and commenced eating the contents of the bowl as if it were soup. — Dolores K.

Guy showed up for date with dirty t-shirt on that said “This is as good as it gets.” Needless to say, there was no second date. — Vikki S.

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