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 In Perswaysion

I haven’t seen Boss Baby, but I know what it’s about. Having children becomes replaced by having puppies — and the babies take on their mission to sabotage the whole thing. Got it. Not a bad concept, but is it really a legitimate substitution? Because I’m so committed to testing this theory, I had a baby to find out first hand. After a single night, I can assure you, the answer is a resounding, loud and clear, NO.

 

I think the confusion starts somewhere in the beginning, when you take a puppy outside and are greeted with the same “Aww, how cute! How old?” Or, maybe it’s the whole confusion about gender bit: “He’s precious”, “she’s a girl”. Or it could be the explaining of the name.

 

It’s true, those things are exasperatingly similar. And, yes, both puppies and babies put EVERYTHING into their mouths. But, simply put: A puppy is not a baby. Nope. Not even a little bit. Here’s some reasons why:

 

A FEW REASONS (OF MANY) WHY A PUPPY IS NOT AT ALL LIKE A BABY

  1. You can’t leave your baby in a cage and leave.
  2. You don’t have to wipe a puppy’s butt.
  3. Waking up every other hour with a puppy is not a thing.
  4. Puppies aren’t picky eaters and don’t require constant feeding.
  5. Puppies don’t have a million billion toys.
  6. Puppies need far fewer baths.
  7. You give a puppy a walk and a bone and you’re an instant hero. So easy.
  8. Puppies don’t breastfeed or require manual feeding at all.
  9. Puppies don’t use carseats — damn you, twisted strap!
  10. Puppies. Don’t. Cry.

 

If you tell me taking care of a puppy is like raising a baby I will punch you. But, if you do have a baby or have already raised a baby, the good news is that raising a pup into a loyal companion will be no problemo.

 

And, for what it’s worth, a wise old woman told me yesterday that no one in the world will love me as much as my dog will — not even that baby that I’m raising. Is this true? Probably. But when my daughter grows into a sassy teenager, that feeling just might become mutual.

 

This op-ed was submitted by a member of the Sway community who prefers to remain anonymous. 

Image courtesy of Jamie Clauss via this Buzzfeed article: bzfd.it/2Gg51xs

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