In Perswaysion

I haven’t seen Boss Baby, but I know what it’s about. Having children becomes replaced by having puppies — and the babies take on their mission to sabotage the whole thing. Got it. Not a bad concept, but is it really a legitimate substitution? Because I’m so committed to testing this theory, I had a baby to find out first hand. After a single night, I can assure you, the answer is a resounding, loud and clear, NO.


I think the confusion starts somewhere in the beginning, when you take a puppy outside and are greeted with the same “Aww, how cute! How old?” Or, maybe it’s the whole confusion about gender bit: “He’s precious”, “she’s a girl”. Or it could be the explaining of the name.


It’s true, those things are exasperatingly similar. And, yes, both puppies and babies put EVERYTHING into their mouths. But, simply put: A puppy is not a baby. Nope. Not even a little bit. Here’s some reasons why:



  1. You can’t leave your baby in a cage and leave.
  2. You don’t have to wipe a puppy’s butt.
  3. Waking up every other hour with a puppy is not a thing.
  4. Puppies aren’t picky eaters and don’t require constant feeding.
  5. Puppies don’t have a million billion toys.
  6. Puppies need far fewer baths.
  7. You give a puppy a walk and a bone and you’re an instant hero. So easy.
  8. Puppies don’t breastfeed or require manual feeding at all.
  9. Puppies don’t use carseats — damn you, twisted strap!
  10. Puppies. Don’t. Cry.


If you tell me taking care of a puppy is like raising a baby I will punch you. But, if you do have a baby or have already raised a baby, the good news is that raising a pup into a loyal companion will be no problemo.


And, for what it’s worth, a wise old woman told me yesterday that no one in the world will love me as much as my dog will — not even that baby that I’m raising. Is this true? Probably. But when my daughter grows into a sassy teenager, that feeling just might become mutual.


This op-ed was submitted by a member of the Sway community who prefers to remain anonymous. 

Image courtesy of Jamie Clauss via this Buzzfeed article: bzfd.it/2Gg51xs

Contact Us

We're not around right now. But you can send us an email and we'll get back to you, asap.

Start typing and press Enter to search


Sign up to get more exclusive content, giveaways and general awesomeness delivered to your inbox every Monday and Thursday. It's free, so no excuses.

By entering your email address, you are agreeing to our terms of use.