Whether you believe in horoscopes or scoff at people who do, we know anytime there’s a listicle with [insert niche interest here] you look for your sign. To give you something to argue with, we’ve compiled a list on what grocery store vibes best with your star avatar.
Aries: Dollar General. All you need is a scanning station and a dream. Someone could sign you up for Survivor and it would just be a normal grocery trip for you on account of your resourcefulness.
Taurus: Farmers Market. They’ll have to pry the farm fresh bouquets from your cold, dead hands. No one can match your capacity for small talk like your tomato guy. His granddaughter? The best speller in pre-k.
Gemini: Lowes Foods — the only grocery store that offers something for all of your personalities. Be that girl who takes cooking classes and always has a new flavored coffee on deck, or just zone out in front of the sausage works gears when you’re feeling stressed.
Cancer: Food Lion. You’re forever saving money to give more gifts to your friends. You’ll defend two things with your life: your besties and a good deal.
Leo: Nature’s Own. Someone told you about it once and now you refuse to be disloyal out of principle. You regularly buy macadamia milk that you don’t even like.
Virgo: The Taj Mah-Teeter. You are the only person in your friend group that can create a thoughtful enough shopping list to take on the maze of aisles and have fun doing it. Virgo will also remember the live music calendar.
Libra: Fresh Market. Go ahead, tell yourself you’re just there for the essentials. We all know you’ll be drawn to the dessert case, where you’ll look for so long you’ll have an existential crisis and end up leaving empty handed.
Scorpio: BJ’s. You love a place so mysterious you have to be a member to get in. Your friends will wonder why you have an industrial size pack of goldfish in your basement. You’ll let them wonder.
Sagittarius: Target. You came for groceries but stay for the plot, and let your desire for personal growth lead you around the rest of the store for a few hours. The ice cream has melted in your cart, but at least you know what stroller you would buy if you had an infant.
Capricorn: Walmart. You are straight to the point — calm, cool and collected. You’re so no-nonsense you don’t understand why people talk crap about going to Walmart. It gets the job done, and the parking lot gives you a nice dose of adrenaline.
Aquarius: Aldi. Unlike the carts, you don’t need to be shackled to traditional shopping conveniences. You’ll carry those groceries in your arms the same way you carry the style in your friend group.
Pisces: You make a point to shop at all the local businesses in town. Southern Whey for cheese and Southern Cuts for steak, but you’re sure to split the bill with Willabee and Against the Grain Shoppe for honey. You do your monthly Trader Joe’s haul not just for yourself, but for your friends.
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- Aries: March 21 – April 19
- Taurus: April 20 – May 20
- Gemini: May 21 – June 20
- Cancer: June 21 – July 22
- Leo: July 23 – August 22
- Virgo: August 23 – September 22
- Libra: September 23 – October 22
- Scorpio: October 23 – November 21
- Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
- Capricorn: December 22 – January 19
- Aquarius: January 20 – February 18
- Pisces: February 19 – March 20
Did we fail to “get” you? Rant about it in an email to hello@itsthesway.com
