You thought a substitute bus driver threatening to “turn this thing around” was a crazy way to start the school year — then you had kids of your own. No one’s handing out a back-to-school list for adults, so we, as usual, have provided.
Here’s a list of things to get you by until at least September:
- A zero-gravity lounger. Because that first-week pick-up line moves slower than a toddler putting on shoes, but gas is too expensive to leave your engine running. Might as well work on your tan.
- Mega rolls of paper towels. What good is a Costco run if you can’tflex on the other parents bringing in school supplies? We’re looking at you, military dads, literally flexing with two giant totes on back-to-school night.
- Snack containers. Save your reusable silicone bags from the lunchroom trash. Send pretzels in your ~vintage~ Country Crock tub.
- A stamp with your signature on it: For all those back-to-school forms. Some could call it forgery. We call it independence.
- Individually wrapped candy: Awkward kids (may we know them, may we raise them) deserve a head starton being popular.
- Cash: For the PTA swag you just HAVE to take home. Nothing feels better than supporting your school — other then justifying yet another purchase with a drawstring.