Did you even juice cleanse if you didn’t tell anyone about it? Survey says no. So, there’s was no way we were going to let Clean Juice Southern Pines‘ third birthday pass by without signing up someone to take a juice cleanse and write about the experience. Here’s her take:
Hi. My name is Abbi and I have an unhealthy relationship with food.
Don’t worry, it’s definitely a loving relationship. It just has no boundaries. Meaning I will do anything for it — yes, even that thing Meatloaf said he wouldn’t do. I’m not sure what that is, but I’d do it in a heartbeat if there was a chicken biscuit and fries waiting on the other side.
Anyway, I decided my diet (or lack thereof) needed a kind of reset, and decided to sign up to do a juice cleanse. On a weekend. Yes, Clean Juice co-owner Lane West was also concerned about my endeavor. I’ll be fine, I told him. It’s my 9-5 that makes me want to submerge my head in a deep fryer.
I picked up my two-day, 100-percent organic cleanse on a Friday. I was doing The Original.
Every Clean Juice has a one-word name. Like Prince. Each bottle is numbered, so the system is idiot-proof. Store manager Bethany Parkin told me to drink one every 2.5-3 hours, and to drink tons of water — basically, to fill up each bottle after I had drained it with water and down that, too. She also told me she recommended I not start later than 10 a.m.
Being a slave to caffeine, one thing I was really worried about was not being able to have my morning coffee. The experts apparently differ on this, but Clean Juice’s philosophy is that a cup of black coffee helps jumpstart your metabolism and helps you actually get more out of the cleanse. Huzzah.
Here’s a Timeline of My Saturday.
Note: Read more about each flavor below on the Clean Juice website.
:: 10 a.m. — Sweet Green. I’m suddenly not looking forward to this, especially since there is cold pizza in the fridge. But I hold strong and pop it open. I should preface this next statement by saying that I’m not accustomed to drinking vegetable-based juices (aka I have the taste buds of an infant) but I smelled the juice, and it smelled unfortunately like a cucumber. It tasted like a salad, with pure cucumber dressing. If you have a grown-up palette, you will probably enjoy it, but it was hard for me to get down.
:: 12:30 p.m. — Orange. Ok, this one I can get down (literally) with. It smells like a mix of orange and pineapple, and has a tangy flavor I can’t quite place but enjoy. At this point, I’m not really hungry, but I miss food and I’m starting to feel bitter about it.
:: 3 p.m. — Green. Smells like a celery stick. Tastes like a celery stick. I like celery but this is a stretch. At this point I get a text with photos of someone’s lunch from a new food truck, so they get to hear about my juice cleanse. AS THEY SHOULD.
:: 5 p.m. — Yellow. Well, if you like spicy lemonade, this is for you. Smells and tastes pretty good, but there is an obscene amount of cayenne pepper in it. I chug harder than Thomas the Train and move on to my water. It’s definitely worth noting that I’m feeling good, other than a little grumpy. I’m not hungry, I just want to eat — but that describes my mood 80 percent of the time anyway.
7 p.m. — Red. Smells like salad. Tastes like red salad. I take it out to the hammock and sip it while my family is eating solid food. My husband asks if that will make it taste like a beer. Spoiler: It doesn’t.
9:30 p.m. — White. Oh yeesss baby. This is the one I was waiting for — basically, as close as you can get to chocolate milk while being healthy af. I let my 9yo try it, and she tried to steal it. It felt like a great reward for getting through the day.
Bedtime: I’m honestly feeling really, really good. No cap. I feel empty, but, like, in a good way?
Sunday? Rinse and Repeat.
8 a.m. I wake up actually looking forward to drinking the Sweet Green, which was so hard for me to get down the day before. Have a passed a cult initiation? WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!
12 p.m. — 9:30 p.m.: I have become one with the juice. I’m not hungry, I feel great, and everything goes down easier than the day before. Well, everything except for Green. I may never want to eat or see a cucumber again. Sorry, Lane.
Bedtime: I am a person who juices now. This is my identity. Chewing is for the weak.
Monday: Here’s What I Learned.
By the time I woke up on Monday, I felt like I could keep the cleanse going a few more days and was regretting that I only signed up for two. Yes, really. I felt lighter, and I may have been being dramatic, but my clothes fit a little better, too.
If you’re looking for a reset, this is definitely it — if only because it made me think twice about my trips to the office candy jar.
This piece was produced in partnership with Clean Juice Southern Pines. Read more about their juices here.