About Them Sprouts

Here’s what your spring garden center haul says about you:

• Fern: You’re overly dramatic when it’s too hot but you’re also a hydration queen, with one of those water bottles that are really more of a basin. 
• Mulch: You’re practical. The soles of your feet are impenetrable. You probably don’t speak up when the waiter gets your order wrong. 
• Petunias: You’re known to Irish goodbye. You saw these in an overcrowded pot and thought, “these will fix me.” They will not. They will be dead in 9–14 business days and you will simply move on, because like most things in your life, gardening is just a phase. 
• Seeds: You’re ambitious to a fault. You bought 37 packets and are one germination tray away from building a backyard homestead empire. You’ve thought seriously about guerrilla gardening and have 37 open tabs about the legalities of sprinkling seeds everywhere. 
• Tomato plant: For you, any activity worth doing requires a lil snack. Even better if a visitor watches you pluck it straight from a vine.
• Azaleas: You’re probably late to a lot of things, and think the event will wait for you to start. Like the bushes that’ll be bloomed out before you put them in the ground, it won’t. 

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