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I arrived at for my class at CrossFit Baile 10 minutes early. I’m never 10 minutes early to anything. On the rare occasion I do make it to my desired destination in a timely manner, it usually means that I’m nervous.

Inside the gym was all kinds of bars and hoops and ropes. I immediately thought of these horizontal gymnastics bars on my elementary school’s playground. You’d get a group of friends together and hang upside down like a bat and you’d see who could hang the longest. I realize now that those gymnastic bars would 100 percent not fly on today’s school playgrounds. Any hopes I had of CrossFit being an adult playground were later crushed.

Anyway, the owner of CrossFit Baile, Sally, introduced me to the whole crew. Honestly, I was expecting a bunch of swole gym bros, so I was surprised to find a mixed group of men and women of all ages, from 14 to 45.

Behold: the workout of the day, AKA the WOD.

Coach Lauren then led us through a warmup before we got started on handstands.

Because walking on your feet is so 2019.

I picked a spot on the wall and after a couple of failed attempts, I was upside down against the wall. Face-flushed and shakey-armed, I heard whoops and cheers from everyone as I inched further away from the wall. I didn’t realize until I came back to my feet that they were cheering for me.

PSA: Newton said what goes up must come down. He never said anything about coming back up. 

Then, shit got real with the EMOMs. EMOM stands for Every Minute on the Minute (FYI: There are a lot of acronyms in CrossFit). For 15 minutes, we rotated between a minute of burpees, sprints and farmer carries. A farmer carry is a 100-meter fast-walk/jog that’s done with weights. The prescribed weight was 35-55 pounds.

As I went through the reps, I played fictional scenarios in my head where someone would try to come at me and I’d be like “Do it bro. You know why? Because I do CROSSFIT. And, I can kick your ass.” This was during the first 2 minutes. I honestly blacked out during the last 13.

Farmer carry. Sprint. Burpees. Repeat. Even the CrossFittest were struggling.

The timer buzzed and we all collapsed. I thought for sure it was over. Well, until Coach Lauren called for ab work. I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say that my Russian twists looked more like criss-cross applesauce.

When the WOD was over, everyone high-fived each other and went on their merry way. I struggled to lift my water bottle to my lips.

CrossFit Baile: You killed me. Thank you. I’ll be back.

For more attempts at the #SpringBreakBod, check out our Sway Takes on Zumba, HIIT Cycle and Cardio Burn.

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